so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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