i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
