if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
