I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
