Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
