I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
