my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize