a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
