I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize