Who did Billy Mays play for?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
