are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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