I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
