airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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