yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize