3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
