Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
