So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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