I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
