Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
