Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
