Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this just has baby written all over it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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