can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize