there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
