The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
