What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
