now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
