Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
