Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
