Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
