yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
