I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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