I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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