Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
