This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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