your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
