the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
