All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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