She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
ttyl tear gas
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
