So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
