i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
