I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
