We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
