got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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