Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
