i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
