he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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