I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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