Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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