i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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