Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
