A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize