So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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