Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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