brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
