The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I love having hate sex.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
