Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
