I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
