I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
