I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
