I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
