Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
