hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it's like iHOP with fire
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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