What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
