I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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