We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
