This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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