white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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