you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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