I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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