Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
