I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
