I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
