He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
