I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
